changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

still no trumpet playing strumpets February 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 11:14 pm
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i just love all the stats and shit you can see behind the scenes on a blog….my favourite by far is a list of the search terms used to find ones blog…. I played on this once way back with this entry.

So here (mostly for my own entertainment) is my top ten all time, to date,searches that found my blog.

At 10….i’m pleased to report ‘challengingchangeling’..fantastic i have followers who can get all of the right letters in all of the right order at least some of the time.

straight in at number 9 is ‘bottle up vagina’… excellent an old favourite makes it into the top ten

at 8 ‘at lunchtime a story of love’ Roger McGough.

hitting the cervix hard at number 7 ‘bottle inside vagina’

and at number six…obviously in a hurry to see some bottle porn is ‘bottle vagina’

you wait a while and then coming in together at Number 5 and number 4 respectively are ‘roger mcgough at lunchtime’ and ‘at lunchtime roger mcgough’…

At 3 ‘changeling times’ a fine result for a little known blog

At 2 ‘greta garbo’

and at 1…all time favourite variation on a theme ‘bottle in vagina’

it heartens me to know that most people who find my blog are expecting a bottle in some way shape or form interacting with a vagina…. to them i apologise… and if the majority of them are men (which i suspect they might be) they at least know in my world they are more than welcome to go out and get a vagina of their own to stick a bottle in.(I believe thailand is good for depth)


Frankengina July 25, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 9:24 pm
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Thanks to Edward my friendly bakers son – who delivers me extraordinarily garlicky garlic loaves to my door and brings Jane phallic buns- for the title of this blog.

It just tickled me…. and is pretty accurate at the moment for janes bruised and stitched anatomy and ran on (but totally unrelated) from a  conversation me and the boy had about making people out of separate parts like Frankenstein’s monster which in turn ran on from talking again about Jane’s op.


Dilation for dummies July 21, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 1:55 pm
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When I first found out Jane had to dilate I thought it was something like a speculum that you had to jack up inside your new fanny.

What it actually is is a couple of dildos (but you have to call them dilators)… three times a day for the first 6 weeks (and then at lessening intervals until it becomes I think once a month 2 years post op) you have to lie down relax and coat the dildo in lube and insert it into your new vagina for a set amount of time. This stops the new hole closing up…. expecially as to make the new hole they had to drill through pelvic muscle and muscle as a rule tends to like to go back where it used to be.

This has to be done regardless of catheter, bruising, blood loss, and pain.

At first it appears to border on the traumatic… it gets easier quite quickly… and i guess the sooner you can find some pleasure in it the easier its going to be to have a decent relationship with your fanny at a later date.

I know women who have had an episiotomy in child birth who havn’t wanted to put anything near their bits for months later (certainly way beyond the 6 weeks recommended when you have one). But a trans woman has to gird her loins and start almost immediately…. pushing a blunt object into a new and unknown void.

Anyone who has gone through grs deserves a medal… and cake…and flowers and all round absolute kudos.

There were times when I had my babies where I wanted to stop and go home (and with the first one actually cried out for my mum)… until the moment the babies were laid in my arms i would have quite happily reabsorbed them.

But transwomen are driven…. if they get this far they really really need it.

After all Janes pain…. and through all the pain she still has to come she says its worth it.

I pity the next fool to say she may have done this on a whim.


It’s over July 13, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 12:43 pm
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Its been a busy couple of days… with hindsight I should have taken the easy option and stayed in a hotel in Brighton and taken taxis to and from the hospital. But I’ve stayed with friends (far nicer to go home to friends than an empty room) and enjoyed seeing brighton from a bus window. I’ve also walked far more than I usually do… due mostly to me getting my bearings from the main railway station…. which isn’t actually near the hospital jane’s been in OR where I’m staying 🙂

But anyway… that hasn’t been the main event.

We checked jane in on Monday and then signed her out to go and buy all the important things she needed on the list that she had misplaced.

And then I left her there…unlikely to sleep much… neither was I… and I didn’t think I’d make it back in to see her off to surgery at 9…so we said our farewells.

6am I received my first text of Jane…. I was awake anyway.

I went for a wee.

Found three more texts on my return… not very clear texts… but the sort of thoughts you have before going on holiday (take the dvd back… remember the recycling)…. so I thought i may as well get my arse down the hospital. So I left a note for my hosts,  grabbed a taxi and was in hospital about 7am.

Jane was bouncing off the walls with nerves (except the bit after the enema – where she managed to sit still for a while) -expeliamus!!!

Its the first time I found it really difficult having a film crew around… now I’m used to them its usually interesting and fun – sometimes both. But suddenly when really important shit is happening in your life it gets difficult again.

So I kissed Jane and told her I loved her and turned away becuase I couldn’t bear to see her go.

And then the wait.

About four hours in all… but it passed fairly fast. (I had a long shower and drank lots of hot chocolate and read the paper and caught up on facebook and made her a playlist on spotify)… the only time that dragged was once I knew the op had been successful and she was in recovery. At that point i did some serious pacing.

And then she was back…. so pleased to see her. She was totally zonked on morphine and not making much sense but every time she came to the surface she smiled… the beatific smile of the post op trans woman 🙂

Such relief she’d come back… I cried…she talked nonsense and we listened to music until the nursing staff kicked me out for jane to have some rest.

I went for lunch with the film crew (it was about half 2 and we all realised we’d not eaten yet that day) and then I tried to sleep in the car but couldn’t…so laid and watched the rain on the car windows and contemplated life the universe and everything.

I certainly realised the fear and stress pre op (for both of us) was about having a big op… not what the op was about.

Up til the last minute they kept asking Jane if she was sure…to the point where the question ceased to make sense. Jane likened it to someone asking if you want a piece of pie…and you say ‘yes please’ and they ask again and you say ‘yes please’ and they keep asking…. it makes you wary about the pie… and then you have to become very determined to keep saying yes.. But there comes a point where the question doesnt mean anything… becuase its ceased to be about the pie and more about the question.

Anyway…. I went back in at about 5 and she was slightly more with it… we opened some cards I’d brought down… and she was allowed some water through a straw but has to stay flat on her back for a day to lessen the chance of bleeding.

What made me realise how right this is for Jane (for both of us) is when one of the nurses asked about her pain level (scale of 1 to 10)..and Jane said.

“No pain at all vaginally but my back is a 3 or 4”

Vaginally…. she was off her face on morphine… couldn’t remember her facebook password (she wanted me to post for her)… but the word vaginally came out without a thought.

For me that clinched it.

She’s where she always should have been.


fat end of bottle up inside vagina April 29, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 10:25 pm
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I’m not innundated by views when i peruse my blog stats but i do enjoy seeing the random things that bring people to me…todays prize winning search term used was….

‘fat end of a bottle up inside vagina’

…I don’t remember writing a blog about that specifically so I suspect someone went away disappointed.

hey ho.

and just for the google lols and the extra page views I give you:

monkey eating a mans penis

lightbulb stuck up your bottom

and last but by no means last…

sexy young strumpet playing a trumpet



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