changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

could have been better March 13, 2013

Filed under: cancer — eclectic chicken @ 9:59 am
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I’ve not been writing… I’ve been grumpy…. basically I’ve been awaiting a CAT scan and then the results of said scan, to find out ‘what next’. Its proper horrid when your life is up in the air and you’ve no idea how to plan for the months or weeks ahead.

One of the results of this inability to plan is I decided to invite a few friends round for a birthday tea… there… that’ll teach you pesky medics to take away my ability to plan…. I’ll plan just to spite you. Well, to spite you and prove I’m still alive and able to eat meat paste sandwiches and cake.

So, in to see my consultant yesterday and CAT scan results were in… the tumour has shrunk from its initial 8-10 cm to 3cm… which is good. Its only now writing this I realise I have no idea what those numbers mean… is that measurement a circumference or diameter?… the diameter of a tennis ball being just under 7cm the circumference of a golf ball being about 14cm. Was it bigger than a tennis ball…. or smaller than a golf ball? I suspect the former as it used to be visible with the naked eye – though not from the moon. And now its not even findable with proddy fingers in the bath so it probably is smaller than the 5cm diameter of a golf ball.

But… the consultant is happy its respoding to the R-CHOP chemo and lets go ahead and have all 8 cycles of it.

See this is where it could have been better… I’ve been mentally aiming at the 6 of the 6 to 8 cycles… quite a large part of me really hoped this Thursdays number 6 chemo was going to be my last and would be a breeze at that, as it wouldn’t be followed up by intrathecal chemo (been there done that). But now… the point where I was dancing a jig as being over half way weeks and weeks ago…. was the dance of the deluded. Bugger! Okay half of 6 is 3 and half of 8 is only one more… as an equation involving biscuits its fairly painless even calorie wise… But chemo wise….

So, anyway, meh, whatever…. I have 3 more lots of chemo to go…woot woot. I’m tired and starting to look a tad ravaged… my finger nails are shot to fuck and I am getting pins and needles in my fingers from one of the chemo drugs (but thats fine as I can still use my mobile and do up buttons).

But on the bright side…. my long term psoriasis has totally gone… I’m off my anti depressants and a full 8 cycles ‘should’ totally obliterate the tumour. We then follow up with another PET scan to make sure theres no live stuff hanging on in… and THEN I can start living again properly… beginning of May.

 

Attacks, one, two and three July 10, 2012

Filed under: home stuff,trans stuff — eclectic chicken @ 10:21 am
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How’s life?

Full of attacks.

Let’s start with the one with the smallest cause..which had the most effect.

Friday night stomach bug… very nasty. I’m not often ill… but this was a doozy. I spent the night wandering porcelein potty in arms between bedroom and bathroom. (the potty was to be sick in…. i miss the cool warmth of a plastic familiar smelling sick bowl i can go to sleep hugging… in childhood it was yellowish.. i should buy a new comfort bowl).

There was a point in the middle of the night where standing in front of the toilet waiting for the contractions to come faster and become a body doubling vomit attack when i thought, in my delirium, that i was having a baby and no-one had told me i was pregnant.

Not well at all….

Saturday Jane buggered off partying for the night… I wasn’t fit to do anything…couldn’t eat anything still… could manage water in moderate amounts. Luckily my daughter had mooted she’d be home at the weekend and so I asked her to come saturday…and she took over from Jane in looking after rafe, and she walked the dog and fetched and carried for me.

The result of Jane partying was the second attack, which if you are interested you can read on her blog. In short…. she was hanging out alone in Kings Cross Station at 5.30 in the morning and took a load of nasty verbal abuse from a load of piss heads.

Its not good.

But then… as I told her she’s the only woman I know who would hang out at a station on her own at that time of the morning.

In a utopian society or perhaps a fascist police state maybe it would be an acceptable and safe thing to do… in reality… no.

no no no no no.

You learn as you grow up female that you just don’t do that. You just don’t.

I’ve been on slutwalk… I know women should have the right to go where they please, dress how they like and behave however makes them happiest… but you don’t ACTUALLY walk the walk and put yourself at risk unless you are very silly, want to make a martyred point or maybe just maybe are hanging onto some residual ‘privilege’ from a previous incarnation.

She took the abuse as she had nowhere else to go and ‘it was raining outside’.

Sometimes I despair..and like an irate father would like to lock her up until she learns some fucking sense.

Yeah yeah she’s making some valid points to various official bods about personal safety in train stations in the early hours of the morning… but..yanno… myself… I’d rather be curled up on the bathroom floor vomiting my guts out than running that gauntlet with the alcoholic underclass in the small wee hours.

But that aside…. the rseults of my virusy microbey attack were positive… a 5lb weightloss (maybe there really was a baby – i’ll check behind the washing basket later) and a huge improvement in my psoriasis… answers on a postcard to the usual address if you have an inkling about tht one… my thoughts are lactose based but then I’m a well known hypochondriac of this parish.

Third attack… fairly minor but I quite impressed myself, was waking in my sick bed to see a swarm of ants issuing from a corner of the windowsill.

shit!

I went and called Jane…asked if we had any ant powder and she said she’d ‘look later’… I politely asked the ants to hold fire whilst she got round to it but they didn’t seem in the mood to compromise. So… I thought fast…. what did I have to hand?

Tea tree oil…. poured liberally round the hole stopped the buggers coming out and killed a few on contact.

Followed swiftly with a dose of sellotape to pick up the ones already running and flying around.

Job done.

 

 
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