changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

Privacy and a Penis February 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 10:44 am
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As I write this entry the only people who can see this blog are myself and Jane Fae….I hope i’ll make it public again sometime, and in the meantime i’ll let people read who i am happy being a part of my personal life.

Two things brought about this change.

The second of which (which will make more sense when i tell you the first) is that our blogs are now public knowledge in the place where we live….and more specifically in the church Jane attends.

I can handle friends reading about my feelings and thoughts, I can handle anonymous strangers reading them….but the middle ground…those who read my blog, obviously don’t like what they read, are part of my real life community and leave anonymous comments….eugh…thats a bit freaky.

I’m not sure i want to go out into the community today.

Which brings us back to my first thing.

….but before i get to it i shall digress and remind myself that i started writing this blog for me…to keep my thoughts and memories of this huge period of change in some order and perspective. I then realised reading it might help other people get through the same thing, and of course it keep those interested up to date with where i an Jane are.

Yesterday i saw a penis.

My partners penis, and i was surprised.

I’d forgotten she had one. We gave up the cockcentric sex almost two months ago when it became clear Jane didn’t enjoy it and never really had been enamoured of it and since then she’s been pretty much wearing full-time pants.

I probably hadn’t REALLY forgotten its existance…..but like a toy you put up on top of the wardrobe….it’s just been out of sight and out of mind.

It was nice to see Janes cock…like recognising an old friend in the street (we were in the bedroom in actuality i hasten to add)!

But gosh it looked incongruous. Especially as she was mostly dressed at the time (don’t ask)!

Now…i’m sure i don’t see Jane as a woman, I don’t really think of her as female…I think of her as….her…the person she is… but theres obviously been some shift away from seeing her as male.

And thats a positive and a good thing.

Its also quite a big important step forward that i want to remember.

And i didnt think i could write it down knowing just anyone could read it.

 

does my bum look big in this?* January 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 8:40 pm
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do these pants feel nice? feel my leg, is my skin smooth? do i look slim in this? do i look pretty? Appreciate me.

the pants probably do feel nice….but its the middle of the night i feel ill and i don’t want to feel your pants. In fact my pants: on you. Okay i suggested them…they look better than your grundies but take my suggestion that you wear them as being the positive and supportive thing.

I am ready to help you when i feel i can.

Yes your legs do feel smooth, its very exciting for you…its not very exciting for me ALL the time. Sometimes i struggle to keep up. I have smooth legs too and we don’t talk about them all the time.

Can you take as the positive out of this that i’m giving you shaving and grooming tips? (and helping shave the bits you find hard to reach).

Yes you do look slim, you look a damn sight slimmer than the man i loved for nearly seven years. You know what? His size didn’t bother me other than i thought he could be healthier. Its lovely that you are slimmer but you did it for you not me.

No you don’t look pretty, you look like the person i’ve lived with for seven years but slimmer and wearing womens’ clothes. You shine with happiness most of the time now…you move lighter….you smile more. I love each and every bit of you but if you constantly narrow the target down to ‘prettiness’ then you will fail.

I’m a blunt and literal Northerner and i’m not going to lie and say you are pretty.

I can see you making a handsome woman, a good looking woman, when you glow you are a beautiful person. But pretty….I’m a long way off seeing pretty.

Appreciate you?

I do…. but today i’m in bed feeling crap. Yes you’ve spent much of the day in housewife role….yes, you’ve joked (i think you are joking) that if we have a civil ceremony you’ll be wearing a big white dress. And yes you are looking after me wonderfully.

But you are going TOO fast. You are demanding i love, find, appreciate, feel, want etc etc so many things about you when  i’m still only a couple of weeks into our new reality and still reeling.

I will find new things i love in you at my own speed. You can’t force it.

*this phrase has not been uttered by Jane (yet)!

 

 
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