changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

chemo and a VIP November 28, 2012

Filed under: cancer — eclectic chicken @ 9:16 pm
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First chemotherapy session today… having been quite blase about it all I woke up this morning terrified, not just about an unknown process but the after effects, side effects etc etc.

I was jolly glad my daughter was coming with me to hold my hand and drive the car… 6 hours is a long stint.

We set off jolly early becuase of the ‘official opening’ of the hospital by Wills and Kate… but as it was we pretty much drove straight in and started early… so early the lady with the consent form hadn’t had a chance to arrive… but I forgive them and I’m not likely to turn up for a treatment I’m going to refuse am I?

But as it happens… the actually having the chemo was a doddle… no adverse reactions…. they gave me a corned beef sandwich (i handled the picking off the tomato bit quite well)… we ate some jelly babies, some Minstrels and some Bourbon creams.

And you could tell when the royal visit was close by the fact that the nuses all started emitting high pitched noises and wanted to take their breaks.

They’d just finished the long drip into my arm… the bit I may have had an allergic reaction to and started the hands on injections of various other fluids when our ward got visitors!!!!!

A big hat came through the door…. followed by another… and then I was the first person he came and talked to….

gosh he’s tall….

not sure where he got his people skills though…

he was busy telling me how he’s had all this cancer business… I should do as I’m told and never give in…and keep a sense of humour and how they took his bladder away 6 years ago…

..he then ended by telling my cancer nurse she was lovely and doing that cheek squeezy thing to her that you do to 5 year olds.

So thats the Mayor of Peterborough.

Somewhere in the newly opened (in actualite 2 years ago) Peterborough City Hospital there are probably nurses still emitting high pitched squeaks and wetting themselves at the memory of Wills and Kate visiting their ward…

In the Oncology day unit it felt a bit like second prize in a raffle.

(it may have been fifth prize…. its possible other wards got other local digitories).

Any way… after all the excitement we finished injecting all the chemicals… sorted my drugs to bring home and even got the ‘pink wee’ effect from the cherry lip red concoction before going home.

I think next visit…. I’ll get dropped off with a book, a bottle of water and a snuggle blanket and use it as valid down time. It was mostly fear of the unknown…

Oh and in other good news I’m a stage 1-e.

Stage one is early doors and the e is to denote the lymphoma is presenting outside of where they’d usually expect it to present… the downside of this is that I’ll have to go back for a lumbar puncture tomorrow to have some sepcial chemo put into my spinal ‘thing’… its late… all my big words for the day are used up and I’m off to bed…. on my SIDE!!!!!

 

code red to amber November 11, 2012

Filed under: cancer,home stuff — eclectic chicken @ 8:09 pm
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mentally I guess it’s just taken this week to make that shift…. I’ve still not heard from the oncology department (hopefully tomorrow or i’ll be chasing them) but this week my team of web monkeys have been busy.

When I say web monkeys I mean most everyone I know who cares about me and is computer literate…. having heard that for the first time ever in the history of the intermeweb I am avoiding google through sheer terror – they have been googling by proxy.

Now everytime someone rings me up to say I have an 82.something% survival rate over 5 years I tell them wikipedia isn’t as any fule knows a reliable resource… but I do quite like the figure they’ve all come up with that out of the 120 people who died from lymphoma in the last year a 100% of them were over 60…or 65…or something.

It’s good to have friends.

On the down side my sympathy wringing is now known as being totally tongue in cheek…. and people are being nice to me becuase I’m going to be having a shit few months ahead as opposed to I might be dead by Christmas….

In fact give it another week and we may find out I’m one of those people who react well to chemotherapy and then I’ve got no chance of anyone being extra nice to me.

I guess deep down and despite wikipedia certainty there’s a part of me which is still very very scared…. its scary when your body rebels… a bit like old age in extra fast forward.

It cheers me up to cope with the worst case scenario with humour…. I’ve expressed very loudly that I want a coffin shaped pork pie on the funeral buffet and Wreckless Erics Final Taxi at some point in the proceedings… and I want to be buried in my wedding dress a gimp mask and a wicker coffin….

some of these things will be remembered when my time eventually comes hopefully in about 40 years… others will fade…and no  doubt i’ll grow back out of my wedding dress again.

But I’m doing what lots of people try not to do… I’m thinking about my own death and to be honest the only thing that really scares me is how it will make those feel who I would leave behind. (damn my vague belief in a sort of general reincarnation)

So if all I need to do is stay stubbornly alive whilst they fry my insides I think I can do that… especially with so much help and support around.

And becuase i’ve spent so much time this week thinking about  the people I love I cadged a lift up to Sheffield yesterday to see the best of my web monkeys… me and my daughter had a wonderful evening catching up on this series of Walking Dead and eating sushi and then I was in bed by about half eight.

Code red and I know my life was worth living just to be able to leave her in the world to prove I was here.

Code amber…and we’re going to have many many more sushi and zombie nights 🙂

 

Bonfire well and truly pissed on. November 5, 2012

Filed under: cancer,home stuff — eclectic chicken @ 10:39 am
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Where were we?

Oh yeah…. ct scan..colonoscopy…blah blah…. then back in to see the consultant who fast tracked me for all these delights..who couldn’t tell me anything as the results weren’t in.

Then (to cut  long story short cos i really can’t be arsed) an early morning phonecall  on Friday to see if i could come in and have a lapriscopywatsit (more cameras just stuck somewhere different to look at the outside of the lump).

[incidentally last night I dreamed the lump was called Grendel…. sometimes my subconcious is shit hot]

So… as I hadn’t yet arisen and broken my fast I said I was raring to go…

blah blah blah…. it’s cancer.

There that  put you all out of your misery without having to read about the apologetic woman with sleep apnea (snort snort sorry…throughout the night), or any of the other light hearted looks at my fellow humans and the world around us…

I’ve pulled the short straw… it could have been my gall bladder (had it been 6 inches higher and a bit more right…. obviously a diagram you only need to memorise if you rise to consultant level)…could have been Crohns…. but no…

…after a fairly bad few years I get the short straw.

Thankyou to the small god of random shit (to steal shamelessly from old watsisname Pratchett).

For anyone interested in detail its a lymphoma and we don’t know its name yet (other than Grendel…and don’t worry I once named some chicks destined for the pot and still managed to kill one and eat it…so anthromorphising this little fucker won’t make me fond of it)…. the biopsy has gone to Addenbrookes to be identified and I should get a call from oncology early next week.

Other than that…. life goes on… well apart from I’ve just had an op and am feeling a bit shite.

 

 

 

 

 
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