Well… there you go… Jane took me to an event in London.
I thought it wholey appropriate to wear inappropriate footwear… and they were the only boots I had that would go with the outfit I thought I’d wear for an exhibition opening. Jane assured me it would be full of alternative types so perverse as usual I dressed conservatively.
We rode on a train…and a tube and being early arriving in the area Jane decided the two time wasting choices were Hamleys or Topshop…. I opted for Hamleys becuase they were more likely to have a toilet and only had a slight grump when I noticed my options could have included Liberty’s.
Then to the gallery… Hayhills… the exhibition was Jamie McCartney’s (he of vagina casting fame). Supposedly one of the vjs on the wall tonight was Janes… or maybe not… we studied them all pretty carefully…well I did and Jane moved away in embarrassment every time I declared “well its not one of those ones”.
The whole vagina casting thing reminds me of a film I watched back in the early eighties…. it was probably a feminist statement of some sort…it was a film of vaginas… though they probably called them cunts as the whole concept was rather more aggressive than Jamies softly three dimensional assorted vaginas. I remember being pinned back in my seat as cunt after cunt was thrust at me… it was a visual assault…each different but after many…all the same.
(anyone remembereing what this film was or having a link please let me know).
But back to this evening…. Jamie’s other works on display were a series of naked and semi naked models probably life size…. not photographed but built from sections scanned onto a computer scanner. An idea I can’t believe no-one has done before…its certainly something I’ve contemplated… it builds on the lo-fi art of old fashioned photo booths and an advancement on the old body parts on a photocopier (that I managed to build into a foundation stage art curriculum at one point). The pieces were very effective…. personally I’d have preferred a little more flesh distortion… there were some points where the flesh was compressed against the scanner maybe to bring enough depth into focus.
By far my favourite pieces were a body armour breastplate made of fur (I once talked to Jamie about an entire transparant plastic body suit of armour… ) and a wonderful vaginal casting in glass that not only cast the outside but also the inside…a strangely mis-shapen sac with the convexivity of the cervix at the back…. you could look into the vagina… through…. see the cervix from the inside…. fascinating stuff.
But looking at all that took about fifteen minutes tops…. but we had to hang out drinking apple juice and wine… becuase thats what you do… especially once you’ve realised your wearing inappropriate footwear and can’t go anywhere else.
And then we left… I think the real highlight of the evening was farting rather louder than i would have hoped on the windowsill of the louis vuitton shop (where i was resting my feet whilst Jane worked out which way up her map app was meant to be).
and so to home… no seat on the train of course.
All in all… I think I might have preferred a meal out locally (probably cheaper and less painful). But if nothing else its reminded me why I don’t like going to London for arty farty events…. so Janes solo nights out to the bright lights big city are probably safe again for a while.