changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

the name of the beast November 22, 2012

Filed under: cancer,home stuff — eclectic chicken @ 11:04 pm
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…is a diffuse large B cell lymphoma… its a non Hodgkins thing and is very aggressive (I knew enough to burst into tears with relief  not fear when the consultant said it’s aggressive).

I start chemotherapy on Wednesday… no doubt more on that later.

Time to fill the boy in a bit now things are starting to move and be definite… so far he knows I’m poorly… that I have a lump in my tummy and that it might need an operation or zapping with chemicals. But we hadn’t til today used the ‘C’ word.

The ‘C’ word…. so big and bad and horrid we don’t say it… like the ‘N’ word and the ‘T’ word.

Actually having typed that the C word is cunt isn’t it… and cancer the ‘big C’… or maybe I typographically implied that with my capitalisation… anyway…I’m wiffling its been a long tiring day.

Cancer is one of those words…often spoken, if at all, in a Les Dawson mouthed over the fence fashion.

So its not a word we’d used so far with the boy… far too emotive… and maybe I just wasn’t ready for whatever he’s already built up around it in his absorbant big eared 7 year old kinda way.

We filled him in that the lump I have is a common sort of lump  and its totally zappable to get rid of it.. it may take a few months, I may feel crap whilst its happening, my hair would fall out and it would be brilliant if he carried on being as helpful as he’s being at present (sometimes).

And then just as he was losing interest becuase he already knew all this stuff and was reaching for the tv blipper I threw in ‘oh and its a sort of cancer’.

His mouth fell open and he did the Les Dawson thing.

Then came for a demi cuddle…. yanno… the sitting next to you leaning in becuase he’s too cool to cuddle sort.

I said he’d looked surprised when I said it was cancer… what had he expected someone with cancer to look like?….

“hmmm….” he said reaching to cop a feel of my unfevered brow…. “paler and sweatier….”.

“….And mum?”


“When your hair starts to come out… can I pull the rest out?”


“Will it grow again”

“course it will”

….and we watched the Simpsons.


Dad’s new fanny July 8, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 1:00 pm
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It transpired last night that the boy wasn’t totally sure what jane is going into hospital for. I was talking him through the next weeks arrangements, who’ll be looking after him, where we’ll stay when we visit Jane and I thought I’d better check he knew why she was in hospital.

We’ve already covered the ground several months ago that breasts change just with taking tablets but as the boy wanted to know would her willy drop off…and I explained that no…that took a visit to the hosital as it needed an operation to get a fanny.

But he’d forgotten…or not put two and two together with this impending hospital visit.


Janes going to get her new fanny.

“Will Dad have her willy cut off”

No, they’ll turn it inside out and make it into a fanny, then she’ll be more like a girl and she’ll be happier.

“Wow…. but she’ll have her balls cut off?”

And so just like when she had a hernia operation last year I talked the boy through the basics of the op. We didn’t mess around with the tricky stuff like replumbing but he worked out himself that they’d have to take out the hard stuff you can feel inside your willy…. he hadn’t realised a fanny was an actual hole but did remember babies have to come out of somewhere (except in my case he knows he came out through my stomach where the scar is).

“So they’ll just turn her willy inside out and put it up inside her?”

Pretty much… yes… they have to make a hole for it to fit into.

“wow…that’s clever”

And we move on to other stuff like Lego and computer games and actually its time for bed.

I don’t think he perceives it  any differently from the hernia op…except its a bigger procedure and she’ll need looking after  for a while. He has a view of the world I wish more of us could have…. he doesn’t see it as a defining moment…just an operation. He knows Jane needs to have it becuase it will help make her happier and more like a girl.

Most of the time I can see it that way too.

When he comes back in a few months time and asks as I won’t have a baby brother for him ….will Jane?… I may have to draw a diagram.




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