changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

Interminable medical stuff…. February 8, 2013

Filed under: cancer,home stuff — eclectic chicken @ 4:50 pm
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What’s that?

You wanted a blog about my medical emergency vomiting skills and what you got was a ramble about the National Curriculum?

Sometimes dear reader(s) [in case both of you look in on the same day]… you are so predictable.

Meg has been at home… originally with the intention of covering a day and evening where Jane was in London – but the London trip was cancelled so Meg just made herself generally useful – keeping me entertained, lifts to appointments, distracting the boy and the dog (sometimes at the same time) and cooking me things I fancy to eat.

This time she caught me on my steroid days on which, if nobody feeds me, I will eat my own feet and my elbows too.

Her final days cooking was THE. MOST. AMAZING. cake. Image

Its a gluten free cake.. so its base is ground almonds… its chocolate and orange, almond cake and it has cherries on the top – so the theory was it was almost a fruit salad for someone who doesn’t get to eat much fruit and vegetables.

And to go with the cake… a beef stew…. weeeeell… it started off as a vegetable stew with some beef in it but once I’d crossed off all the veg i’d struggle with or don’t like it was a beef and carrot and neep in beery gravy stew with DUMPLINGS… big dumplings.

I have to admit… I ate three.

And quite a lot of cake.

And stew.

And the truth of it is… that THAT sort of thing isn’t what’s meant by ‘little and light and often’.

(though the dumplings were admirably light by dumpling standards).

So not long after Meg texted me to tell me she was back up North I decided that I was feeling kinda queer in a…distended stomach….headachey….crampy….shallow breathing sort of a ….and then I was sick.

I woke Jane up… rang the hospital (who said I should report to A&E)…got dressed… woke the boy and we all bundled into the car at about half one in the morning.

Blah blah blah…. A&E….copious amounts of vomiting (proving once and for all I really should chew my food more as well as eat less)…. there even came a point where the best option I could think of was to lie in a bed and shit myself…. except… it wasn’t happening.

When my system shuts down like this its like it just gets stoppered where my colon is encircled by the lymphoma and anything below that just carries on as normal and anything above gets thrown back up violently and painfully. Along with a good dose of the shakes as all my blood rushes to protect my internal organs.

(enough information yet)?

Eventually it started to calm down but they’d efinitely be keeping me in… Jane and the boy went home.

As the hospital was chocka and there were no beds on the wards to be had, the hospital kindly brought me a bed down to A&E (as opposed to a trolley which doesn’t count in their bed providing policy) and me the bed and a friendly commode sat in a small side room and waited until half eleven the next morning for a bed in Emergency Short Stay….

…and THAT’S how ill I felt… I didn’t complain about going to ESS at all.

Actually it was a bit like Waiting for Godot in there…. a ward with three old ladies, very old ladies. I’ve decided there are two main catagories of old ladies… happy ones and miserable ones. There was one of each on my ward, plus one so out of it it was hard to tell.

The miserable one spent her time doing three things…sleeping…eating and complaining to her family that she wasn’t sleeping and eating.

The happy one I would have brought home, even though she couldn’t toilet herself but they moved her to another ward before i could persuade her.

I hope I’m a happy old person.

At supper time I went mad and had two teaspoons of orange jelly before Jane and the boy visited and then I was asleep and seriously dribbling when a nurse came to tell me they had a bed up in Haem/Onc.

As you all know… I LOVE heam/onc.. there’s nothing like specialist staff to make you feel special and nothing like other cancer patients to know that whatever weird shit your body is throwing at you its fine ‘cos cancer’s a bitch.

The first thing heam/onc do when you arrive to set themselves apart from ESS is ask if you want another pillow…. some people even have three pillows. Two pillows and a working drip stand and I’m happy.

This morning my body took on board two slices of toast…. which were weird. Toasty… almost bread like and there was some warmth involved that actually melted butter. I think Mark that pushes the food trolley (I think he’s officially a ‘ward host’ -and one of THE most cheerful men on the planet) may have made some sort of step for toast and mankind in the storage of hospital toast… or if not him… someone.

And then my body decided what it likes best in the world isn’t vomiting but shitting.

(nothing to do with the toast…. just process)

As with any good organised hospital the registrar came round early morning and told me my problem was probable a chemo side effect (combined with being a silly sausage with my eating) and I’d be able to go home ‘sometime’ over the weekend.

shit. my weekend is all planned…Annie is coming to stay…we’re going to crochet and drink tea…and eat…erm… Annie is going to eat cake. Not me.

Luckily the registrar went away and came back as part of a posse along with my lovely consultant who agreed that having diarrhoea in your own toilet at home is a lot more pleasant than doing it anywhere else… so I could go home as soon as I had my letter and my canula out. (I was very careful to avoid eye contact with the registrar at this juncture in case they conferred).

Phone Jane for lift.

Canula out (about time as arm swelling – I think I’d hit saline drip saturation point).

And off home – asking them to stick the important discharge letter in the post.


kids, dog and sporadic r’s June 17, 2012

Filed under: out'n'bout — eclectic chicken @ 6:41 pm
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Apologies fist fo lapsing again to those who cae about such things… when things bubble to top of my mind i need to be nea a compute and it needs to, of couse, be a woking compute.

Now… some of you may have noticed my ‘r’ isn’t woking (well it did THEN becuase i paused and pessed it eally had…. this takes away the spontineity of witing… hence no blog of late.

That key on my laptop isn’t active (see…i’m avoiding that key now)… becuase Jane and the boy have been knocking out a chimney beast… the boy has taken to hitting the wall with a hamme when thees nothing much on tv, and Jane tends to wait fo me to go away fo a night o weekend befoe knocking geat chunks out of the house. Unfotunately neithe of them thinksof things like emoving electrical equipment fom the vicinity…so i suspect down the back of the tv is a bit of a mess and thee do seem to be some cunchy bits unde my keypad that have moe esistance than the usual biscuit and toast cumbs.

(actually avoiding the key was almost as tiesome as pausing to pess the dodgy key eally had)!

So whee did i go to my lovelys that allowed the knocking about of the sitting oom in my absence?

I took my daughte back up to Uni… she’s finished he fist yea but has stuff still to do up thee … we had a lovely evening, we ate Tukish food… vey wondeful Turkish food… in a lovely restauant whee they kept giving us free things and so much food i started stashing the free things in my handbag for later… small filo olls filled with vine leaves and chilli curd cheese ae very good cold for breakfast.

This followed a very long game of ‘top 3s’ that took up the entire journey… top three trees…top three pizza toppings… top three languages you’d like to be able to speak…. we do good travel games me and my daughter.

Anyway…. we followed food with a horror film (session 9… quite good but a bit confusing) and chocolate ice-cream.

I like visiting my daughter… shes blossomed into a daughter to be proud of… an adult in her own right who is out there and coping with life the universe and everything…well…. most things.

We got up early (bloody hell the r key has stated working again of its own accord) and went to Cakes r Us for beakfast… its a chinese shop that sells cake by the pound (or by the slice) – and very good they are too. But also sells pastry parcels with various fillings…some stranger than others… and also steamed buns…. like eating clouds with fillings in… the custard filled one is the ultimate comfot food.

They also sell things I’ve never heard of like ‘bubble tea‘ – we nearly bought some but we had a communication breakdown and ended up without one… but having googled it – next time i’m up thee i’m on cloud buns and bubble tea.

In other news… Jane has gone off to a book launch (my getting home early in the afternoon saved the boy from having to traipse to London for it) and yesterday at the local church fete Lucky and the boy won the ‘junior handler’ section of the dog show…. mostly becuase Lucky managed to walk without sniffing or weeing for more than ten metres and i ‘think’ he even sat to command… the dog that is, not the boy.

I’m very proud… six months ago i don’t think the boy would have had the confidence to enter… but with a small scruffy dog by his side he can conquer the world… well… as long as it doesn’t involve too much travelling as the dog of course gets car sick and the boy doesn’t like ‘the facilities’ on trains. (o at least thats his excuse for not wanting to go to london).


it could only get better (and did) January 23, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 9:45 pm
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The day didn’t start well…the cake my daughter had made for tomorrows party got burnt when she fell asleep last night with it in the oven.

J and I and the small boy set off for a day in Cambridge…a day to include Js first counselling session. Unfortunately the A14 was closed and we got sent on a twenty mile detour….towards the end of the detour, realising we were going to be horrendously late i decided to drive and so whilst idling in traffic we got out and did the two door runaround….much to the hilarity of the couple in the car behind. How much of the hilarity was caused by the two door action and how much by suddenly having a tranny in a long purple skirt dash by on a Saturday morning, will ever remain a mystery.

The session was good, we both sat in on some of it (the professional consensus seems to be i’m still in shock) and then i extracted small boy from the tv* and took him to the shops to give J some quality counselling time.

I think he came out of it feeling a lot more normal.

We then did the ‘walk of shame’ through Cambridge on a Saturday afternoon.

J was almost a split identity today, the top half (unless you looked carefully and noticed her jewellry) was fairly male and the bottom half a very elegant (if slightly inappropriately dressed for the weather) lady.  (Note to Jane: buy boots)!

So many people did the up and down look…followed by the doubletake upand down look….followed by the just checking upanddown look…followed by the…..(but by then she had swept on by, or i suspect some of them would have kept on nodding til their heads exploded).

But i stayed close…mostly….when i left her to walk alone it was mostly to watch other people react.

Couples so absorbed with each other they don’t see. Children tugging at parents and being told to shush. A grimace from a man whose face looked as though it does little else. Lots of smiles…some laughs and a rude Big Issue seller who called me Madam and J ‘whatever you are’ (i guess he missed out on the customer relations pep talk when he bought his mags).

At the end of the day we called at the Bar Hill enormous Tescos to pick up party stuff and i’m afraid my patience ran out when to enormously fat unattractive women passed J by and cracked up and turned and pointed and laughed some more.  I glided between them with my trolley, leaned in to the larger of the two and said ‘but at least she’s not horrendously fat like you two’.  I guess i’ve just been kicked out of the pc minorities unite club but it made me feel a damn sight better.

And i think J saw it as a positive step that i’m not disowning her 🙂

In fact I can see Js transition becoming a real opportunity for my social Tourettes to flourish.

We limped home (literally in Js case…damned new pumps) and found my daughter had ressurected the burnt cake into an astounding chocolate treasure chest cake.

*the tv was of the gogglebox variety



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