changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

Happy Hooker Upswing February 2, 2013

Filed under: home stuff,thinks — eclectic chicken @ 5:06 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I seem to have come off my anti-depressents which I’ve been on (with a summer gap once) since I had post natal depression… it happened sort of accidentally as I packed my pills in my emergency hospital bag early in January and therefore sporadically forgot to take them as they weren’t sat on the bedside table reminding me.

Come the 26th of last month I realised I’d had 10 tablets in 24 days… so reckoned it was worth just stopping. Normally I’d be a bit more wary as I’ve been forgetful and gone cold turkey before… but as I was approaching my chemo shit time I thought what the hell the withdrawal shitiness would just roll in with the rest.

That and I have a positive wave of energy to ride as Spring comes on, the nights are getting perceptibly longer and on the whole I feel I’m getting ‘better’ – there’s positive for you.

I feel more engaged with life again… not so emotionally numbed (which is something I’ve been discussing with my counsellor of late). I’m not happy doing nothing, my mind has started to run at speed again. I feel a lot more like me… but happy to admit these are early days and this may just be a hyper bounce back.

I’ve just spent a lovely afternoon with my friend Debz as she came to teach me to crochet… that in itself is positive snowball effect as yesterday Jane asked if I wanted to go into Stamford in the afternoon and being the latter half of the day my first instinct was to say I felt too knackered… but no… I changed my mind said ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’ and went and pottered gently up the high street with the boy, looked in some shops, bought myself a small array of Belgian chocs (to keep my sugar energy up) and then to the library to meet Jane and picked up a ‘learn to crochet book’ as it was staring me in the face… I then mentioned it on Facebook this morning and moments later I have the offer of a tutorial (say yes again even though it means getting out of bed and showering me and hoovering my room) and then a lovely afternoon learning my first crochet stitch, drinking tea and comparing hospital stories.

Leading on next weekend hopefully to Annie visiting (as Jane and the boy are off to Brum) and I’ll be waterfalling my new found skillage on to her… definitely with more tea and possibly biscuits.

Alls good in the world… well…except the cancer and my relationship being in flux and me not knowing what I’m going to be doing this time next year or even where I’ll be… but other than that…. I’m laughing more, crying more and shouting more… definitely less numb.

If I had the energy I suspect I’d be dancing too. 🙂

 

 

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