I don’t get it… in fact I don’t get feminism.
Oh I get that women have had a shit old time… I get that some women still do.
But I’ve always considered myself an equalicist.
I can accept that if theres a job going all the people qualified to do it should have an equal chance of getting it.
If I walk down the street I should all be able to do it without being harmed… or harrassed…
And I should all be able to go on the internet without it ending in tears.
Oh hold on….
this is where I start not getting it… sorry…
I can count the times I’ve felt unsafe in the street on the fingers of one hand… but thats becuase I learnt early to walk confident, and don’t be walking through really dark dodgy places at silly times.
I’ve never been mugged, or raped (apart from a couple of date rapes that I took in my stride becuase rape is a legal construct) and I know if someone is following you late at night you either cross over to stop yourself worrying (if they cross over too then go on to stage two)
Stage two is stop to tie your shoelace or similar… the person behind you will tend to walk round you and carry on.
If they don’t… well… I’ve no idea… it’s never happened to me and I suspect thats more down to luck than anything else in reality.
My esteemed feminist partner was writting only yesterday in the New Statesman that men shouldn’t walk behind women at night because as any fule kno it worries the ladies to be followed innocently down the street by a man with a pianist playing stalky type tunes.
Of course we should all have the right to walk down the street without feeling afraid…. but you can’t impose that on people… I’m sure some men (fuck it…some PEOPLE -cos I’ve done this) when finding themselves walking behind someone will make the effort to not make them afraid, either by dropping back (another tie the shoelace moment… what one does with slip on shoes I have no idea) or crossing over or by muttering through a handkerchief “don’t worry dearie I aint gonna rape you” – athough this last one makes them run it does save you having to resort to tying imginary shoelaces if you ARE wearing slip ons.
I know men in da olden days used to do this really sweet thing where they guarded ladies from the splashings of the traffics by walking on the kerbside of their companion… some men still do this…and let me tell you its a bit confusing to carry on a conversation when they suddenly disappear and reappear on the otherside of you at the other side of the road.
Maybe that’s what the ‘all men are rapists’ folk want… that men should always walk on the otherside of the street so ladies aren’t threatened by the splashings of the pianists playing musical pavements kind of tunes.
No… its not realistic and it’s a bloody long deviation from where i was going which is the internet not making you cry.
At first I thought, this is ridiculous… I’ve never been abused on the internet (in real life yes… and I tend to get upset and then realise I’ve done something to antagonise someone or that the person is just a total knob).
But then I went and read the twitters from real life internet abuse victims…. on #silentnomore
NB I’m not going to go and cut and paste any from twitter as that may upset the dears.
Things like ‘you are an ugly slag’ ‘your cunt has dried up’ and ‘you need raping’. And many of them (its seems) from men who have has their romantic advances turned down.
But this isn’t all men… this is just a few men and they probably have very small knobs and brains.
And then I realised… if THIS is abuse.. I’ve had loads of it over my years on the internet… usually becuase I’ve turned down some fine offer from some bloke with a small brain and I may also have antagonised him somewhere along the way (just like in real life)… but quite often not.
Has it made me cry… no… do I feel abused or a victim..obviously not.
There’s been times on forums where I’ve had long intense discussions that have turned impassioned and nasty and I have cried… but I really hope I’ve given as good as I get and that they have too.
But they won’t will they…
Blokes on the whole work in different ways from women… me and my male brain know this.. maybe thats why I don’t get that upset about things like insults in the ethernet.
They are just floaty about words… even if there’s a million of them… they are floaty about words.
If that same person then turns up at your front door and says them… they are floaty about words still… but the fact that he has tracked you down should worry you.
But until that point it’s not worth claiming victimhood about.
And remember 99.9%* of internet warriors don’t make it to their local shops let alone accross a whole country just to abuse you properly.
I’m guessing the real statistics for some random stranger off the internet coming to your house to assault, rape or murder you is even less than a stranger abducting and abusing your child. (and thats pretty low)
Should we expect people not to make us cry on the internet?
FFS if the worst thing in your life is that people on the internet can make you cry and ‘feel’ abused then feminism is dead in the water… we have come as far as we can in the equality battle if thats all there is to worry about and if all it takes is the unkind words of a random stranger or a man walking behind you at night to make you fear for your life and become a ‘victim’. Maybe ‘some’ women are a bit too delicate and sensitive to even consider being let out alone; let alone considering themselves capable of equality with the rest of us.
*statistic pulled out of thin air