changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

Potatoes and Hotpot October 14, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 6:42 pm
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I visited my old friend Annie earlier this week…. and we talked long into the night…. she made me think about how, as you grow older you tend to feel as though you’ve lost yourself. Especially when you have children, a partner, paticulary if you are home based and doubley so as the menopause looms and you start to become an invisible woman of a certain age…. and sometimes you run away to find yourself and sometimes its worth staying put and trying to remember all the things that made you you.

She reckons… and I happen to think she’s right that I’m far more than the partner of a transwoman. That may have taken over my life for the last couple of years… but actually I’ve come through it the same way I’ve come through everything in my life with humour intact and a usually quirky outlook.

She wonders why I don’t blog about the stuff in my life that isn’t Jane…. Jane can have a bit part. After all she’s central to her own life, her own blog… so I should be central to mine.

Okay… the paltry number of you out there who follow this blog may wander off when it ceases to be a ‘trans experience blog’ but actually the trans experience…everyones experience is that life goes on…. until it doesn’t.

She reckons I should have blogged about taking my daughter to Uni in Sheffield – how we packed the car to the rafters (that would make so much more sense in a Morris traveller as opposed to a Mondeo) and set off North. How she took such random items as a sewing machine, a piano accordian, a sword, a cake stand and a sack of potatoes. (a thoughtful but heavy farewell gift from a local farmer).

She said how I should blog about the poor young man I commandeered into helping unload the car, who blithely said he’d carry a bag of spuds and when I opened the boot said words to the effect of ‘fucking hell i thought it’d be a 3 kilo bag from Morrisons’… but bless him he gamely carried it regardless.

And then I ended the same day with a drive over the moors and by eating hotpot off Dean Friedman’s piano.

See, she’s right: there are more interesting things in my life than who I live with.

 

13 Responses to “Potatoes and Hotpot”

  1. Tara Says:

    That made me smile so much! As we have discussed, transition does tend to take over the relationship. The partner of a transperson tends to become encompassed in the transition too. We often forget that besides being a mum, daughter, partner, lover and goodness knows what else that we are still a person, we still have a life to lead with interests, hobbies, careers and friends. We still have other things going on and other things which we could write, talk and hold conversations about and yet find ourselves talking about transition. Today I met a very old friend who I havent seen in a while and told her our news and immediately the conversation turned to transition. Accepting as she was I wanted it to be my day and almost wished I hadn’t even mentioned it.

    Please do keep writing about everyday things too including sacks of potatoes. I and Im sure your other followers appreciate your humour and reminds us that we too have a life to lead outside of transition.

    T.

    • eclectic chicken Says:

      yeah…every friend who doesn’t know involves a re-run of the same conversation…. maybe a round robin letter would be a solution? I think its almost worse for the partner involved becuase by the time its got to the ‘spreading the word stage’ the invividual transitioning has had a while to get their head sorted and its a matter of acceptance or rejection…. I found it hard to know what I thought (still don’t some days) and that makes having those conversations trebly difficult as we still get the worry of rejection (both by proxy of our partner and us for staying with them).

      My favourite ones were friends I see rarely enough that I forgot i had to go through the revelation personally and just carried on a normal conversation about ‘she’ with said friend paddling like mad to catch up ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Rebecca Pink Says:

    Yeah and Trans stuff can be quite dull after a while !

  3. Wonderer Says:

    More folk might read this than you realise. I get it by email. Hope daughter enjoys Uni, and you enjoy a bit more space at home perhaps?

    • eclectic chicken Says:

      Thanks wonderer… she’s loving Uni so far and with both girls gone it is bliss (though i miss my daughter dearly)… I even have my own room to retire to – personal space is something I havn’t had for a long time.
      xx

  4. Lucy Melford Says:

    I absolutely agree that trans stuff gets a bit passe after a while, even something of a yawn, unless the person concerned has made a conspicuous hash or success of it!

    There’s so much more to get on with.

    For instance, you could spend half a lifetime empathising over the latest news of other people’s love-affairs-gone-wrong, and similar emotional problems. I for one don’t mind making a career of being a Listening Ear.

    Dean Friedman…now he was the one who did that song called ‘Lydia’ back in the late 1970s, wasn’t he? 1978, I’ll warrant.

    Lucy

    • eclectic chicken Says:

      I believe he did ‘do’ Lydia…. I’m a tad too young to remember such things Lucy and have to admit the hotpot impressed me more than the piano’s pedigree ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. William Says:

    “Lucky stars” was surely his pinnacle. He also inspired a song by half man half biscuit as you doubtlessly recall.

    • eclectic chicken Says:

      I have to admit to having been far more of a half man half biscuit fan…. The bastard Son of being my primary reference point to Mr Friedman until recently ๐Ÿ™‚

      I just found out (in googling for the video link above… that Mr Friedman wrote a response song and appeared failry recently at a HMHB gig to perform it. Kudos.

    • eclectic chicken Says:

      ps have you still got meg’s accordian? (I’m 99% certain that will make sense to you) ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • William Says:

        It does, and I do. I have tended it as well as I could but it doesn’t seem to have grown any. That Dean Friedman, what a lad!

      • eclectic chicken Says:

        good…. if you still head Northwards on a semi-regular basis you could drop in on Sheffield and give it her back yourself (lovely to see you’re alive and well and stalking me on the internet) xx


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