One teen (having quite stupendously failed her second attempt at AS levels.. almost to the point of suspected self sabotage) has moved out… thus making the house a whole lot less stressful… quieter…. and less argument ridden. She’s back at college and independence is a purely hypothetical thing as she’s being closely monitored (and funded).
The other teen pulled a BBB out of the hat at A level and is off to Uni next weekend. Without her the house will quieten and tidy another notch again… but that one I’ll miss. At times I feel my eyes brimming up thinking of another person I’m losing, this time to adulthood and real independence… but I’m fairly content she goes into the world fairly prepared and when she’s not I’m confident she’ll ask.
The boy has grown a pace over the summer in height and confidence too.
I’m up and down.. I’m on the waiting list for cbt… but who knows… by the time I get to the front of the queue I may not need it. Mostly this summer really drained me, emotionally, mentally, physically. I take the odd day out, and I’m putting energy back into the house when I have it.
…And Jane… of course.
I feel more and more of a ‘spare part’… she writes so much about how she has changed everything in her life for the better and I do wonder if we are a hindrence to her… the ‘wife’ who makes her stand out in a crowd when she may otherwise pass and the son who shouts ‘Dad’ accross shops.
So little of the person left who was there before.
She brims with confidence and glows with health… she tells me people comment on it all the time. But I can’t work out why she is so surprised she has just taken 18 months to totally change her life… to make it good… to be who she wants to be.
Whereas I’ve had 18 months of having my world turned upside-down and inside out.
I’m still not sure where I am.