I got some counselling…its a pincer movement dealing with the old problems and the new.
I also got some anti-depressants and some anti-anxiety drugs.
I get very anxious.
The panic attacks started as an after effect of the drunk in the bus station.
I guess a trans-person uses their feeling of personal fulfillment as a counter balance to give them a reason to re-enter the fray.
Whereas I’m still trying to find a way to deal with the immensity of the change in my life…. I think we found one positive in counselling….that having a trans person as a partner just adds to the general bohemian type eclectic mish mash of non normality that I seem to crave.
But its still change, its still change that I have no say or control in.
That’s something I obviously struggle with.
I have no role other than innocent bystander. A bystander in the rain.
The joyeous parade passes by.
It should be easy to join the parade.
But its not.
It’s just not.