As I write this entry the only people who can see this blog are myself and Jane Fae….I hope i’ll make it public again sometime, and in the meantime i’ll let people read who i am happy being a part of my personal life.
Two things brought about this change.
The second of which (which will make more sense when i tell you the first) is that our blogs are now public knowledge in the place where we live….and more specifically in the church Jane attends.
I can handle friends reading about my feelings and thoughts, I can handle anonymous strangers reading them….but the middle ground…those who read my blog, obviously don’t like what they read, are part of my real life community and leave anonymous comments….eugh…thats a bit freaky.
I’m not sure i want to go out into the community today.
Which brings us back to my first thing.
….but before i get to it i shall digress and remind myself that i started writing this blog for me…to keep my thoughts and memories of this huge period of change in some order and perspective. I then realised reading it might help other people get through the same thing, and of course it keep those interested up to date with where i an Jane are.
Yesterday i saw a penis.
My partners penis, and i was surprised.
I’d forgotten she had one. We gave up the cockcentric sex almost two months ago when it became clear Jane didn’t enjoy it and never really had been enamoured of it and since then she’s been pretty much wearing full-time pants.
I probably hadn’t REALLY forgotten its existance…..but like a toy you put up on top of the wardrobe….it’s just been out of sight and out of mind.
It was nice to see Janes cock…like recognising an old friend in the street (we were in the bedroom in actuality i hasten to add)!
But gosh it looked incongruous. Especially as she was mostly dressed at the time (don’t ask)!
Now…i’m sure i don’t see Jane as a woman, I don’t really think of her as female…I think of her as….her…the person she is… but theres obviously been some shift away from seeing her as male.
And thats a positive and a good thing.
Its also quite a big important step forward that i want to remember.
And i didnt think i could write it down knowing just anyone could read it.