changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

I am always next to you… January 29, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 9:50 pm
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and happy to stand in your shadow.

You are the one who has gone out and made a mark on the world. The one capable of making a mark on the world. Able to make money doing whatever you set your mind to do.

I am always happy to take the unsung, supportive, backroom roles.

I wish i could shine like you do.

But i can’t.

I don’t.

I shine…like the moon shines. It reflects the glare of the sun whilst quietly getting on with its own thing….tides, menstrual cycles, werewolves….small important shit that often gets overlooked.

But partly i’ve always put that down to you being a man.

I must have terribly traditionalist ingrained thought habits of male supremecy… patriarchy exists in a world inside my head.

I like to be supported and cared for…me and Doris Day (except i always tend towards presenting as Calamity Jane).

But….with Jane…i’m having to re-jig my reality.

Accept you are just better at so many things than i am.

And one of those things might be ‘being a woman’.

I think standing in your shadow then will be hard.


5 Responses to “I am always next to you…”

  1. Wonderer Says:

    Dear A.,

    I trust and expect and hope Jane is telling you this verbally, but it deserves to be said here too for the record. Your worth is not measured by celebrity status, by public recognition, and certainly not by financial reward. Pay is a very poor measure of someone’s value. You, yourself, are of infinite and unmeasurable and incomparable worth. As are we all. Your worth is inherent, for being who you are. For being, not for doing or acheiving. A supporting role is not inferior to a starring one. A tree without roots quickly dies, unnourished, unwatered, unanchored. The flashy foliage and brilliant blossom cannot show off their glory without the nourishing underground invisible supporting roots. Maybe at some time you will be showy too. But that isn’t necessary to be worthy. Being you; being glad to be you; being proud to be you; being confident in your worth – that is the important thing. And perhaps you will find that you shine more than you ever realised.

    With fond admiration.


  2. debz furneaux Says:

    i could not have said it better than the wonderer – andrea – your worth is never a reflection of someone elses. each and every one of us can do things that others cant – every tiny uniqueness that we have makes us special and worthy. your very supportiveness makes you worth more than u can ever imagine! how many people do you know have the resourcefulness, willingness and understanding to even contemplate what you are doing at the moment. you are bound to have moment s of feeling that you are taking the back seat, J is the one ‘doing’ , but your strenght and love and specialness enalbe her to do it!! do you honestly think that without your special input those around you would find things easier or be able to function better? i suggest not. i like to be nurtured and cared for too, but i very rarely get it and when i do i dont like it , i end up feeling smothered- the concept is nice tho!
    i am sending you the biggest zen hug i can find in the hope that it shows you that you are special and worthy and the world would be a much duller place without u in it!
    oh and as a final point – i think the moon is much more beautiful than the sun, you can gaze on it without hurting y ourself and its light lends beauty and mystery to any scene it touches!! so there!


  3. debz furneaux Says:

    oh and i forgot something (lol) look at your title – ‘next to you’ not behind you in your shadow – next to you – equal!!
    D x

  4. spirifer Says:

    At the risk of setting your teeth on edge, as a lifelong worrier about whether I match up to others and how much I may feel a failure against them, I now do a sort of CBT (in the “‘nilla” sense of the word) mantra when I get into that headspace:

    “If you compare yourself with others,
    you may become vain or bitter,
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.”

    I’m not sure that I feel that there are “greater” and “lesser” persons, but it’s the comparing bit that resonates with me. Everyone has strengths. Every one has weaknesses. Everyone has a mix of the two that make them utterly unique. You can’t really compare two unique people, because you’re not comparing like with like.

  5. Wonderer Says:

    Agree with Spirifer; that’s why I used the words “immeasurable and incomparable” worth. (Well I guess I’m not quite on board with the bit about “greater and lesser” persons but I agree with her conclusion and overall gist. Comparing ourselves is always a mistake; more important to *be* ourselves.)

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