changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

marriage January 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 11:31 am
Tags: , , ,

Something that has raised its head over the seven years together, in that I’ve always wanted to get married and J hasn’t. We’ve both been married before, I’m a sucker for the romance of it all and a great believer of the positive state of being married. J has been stung before, both emotionally and financially, so i’ve always understood his reticence.

Marriage raised its head most recently when i read what happens to married trans people….basically you change your gender, you get your official certificate to say as much and that annuls your present marriage. You then go out and undergo a civil partnership.

What a kerfuffle….and a pretty bloody good arguement for allowing mixed gender couples to have civil partnerships, becuase then in a trans situation the ‘state of union’ could then just continue.  Or sod it just combine civil wedding and civil partnership make them identical. Two people legally committing to each other. There could just be a tick box on application that asks whether you want your legal union to be referrred to as a marriage or partnership.

Those who want to be faddy about the exactitude of gender in a relationship can always take refuge in the binary sanctuary of the mainstream church.

Still….its not as barbaric as past attitudes to trans peoples marriages where you had to get your divorce finalised before even getting access to hormone therapy.

See here a piece from the Telegraph last year about the writer Jan Morris who married in 1949, divorced his wife in the 1970s in order to have a sex change and then had a civil partnership last year….they lived together as a couple throughout!

So anyway….to go back to me and J. Having always said i’d like to marry him… now I don’t.

I want to wait….and if we get through this together we’re probably deserving of a certificate of commitment (meringue of a dress and all)….being a long term traditionalist i’m just a bit flummoxed who’ll do the asking.


4 Responses to “marriage”

  1. Wonderer Says:

    I think you deserve a medal already.

    After 7 years I guess there’s no need for hurry now ???

    If you wanted some kind of ceremony in a church, I’d like to think there are places which would accommodate what may seem to them as unconventional. I’ve never come across exactly that ceremony but there are compassionate and understanding clergy who allow things which their “superiors”, the ecclesiastical powrers-that-be can’t be seen to condone and indeed may not condone. But probably you don’t.

  2. Rebecca Says:

    In most butch/femme or less-femme/more-femme couples, it tends to be the less girly-girl of the pair doing the asking, if they want to be a bit traditionalist and romantic about it. That’d be you. I suspect that you saw that coming.

    PS hello it’s Becca, Phoebe’s housemate and Dennis’s pal. Hope you’re doing okay.

  3. Wonderer Says:

    I guess if you do it before Jane gets a certificate then there would be no administrative problem as they’d treat it as legally a man and a woman, albeit unconventionally dressed.

  4. Dennis Says:

    Get a dapper suit.. get on one knee and ask her when you feel ready 😀

    Yeah wonderer is right – until/unless jane has a Gender Recognition Certificate you would have to have a wedding not a civil partnership and she would be referred to as husband and man. (I know cos I needed to check this stuff out recently – that language can’t be dropped 😦 I think both unions should be open to all.


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