changeling times

trials and tribulations of eclectic chicken

overload January 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — eclectic chicken @ 5:41 pm
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This morning i thought i was fine (hangover excepted) but maybe seeing John dressed for the first time was more of a shock yesterday than i like to admit to myself.

The theory and hypothicating around all this gender stuff is fine, i can get to grips with the arguements and the reasoning, i can pontificate until the cows come home.

I’ve even coped admirably (i’m told) with hand holding whist various friends and officials have been told of Js decision.

So i think J asking if I’d just nip into the primary school to touch base with the head (our sons class teacher has already passed on the news to him) was the final straw.

I’m tired of crying in front of virtual strangers and so i chose not to go.

Maybe i dont want to face up to anyone else until i can do it without crying.

Its just all too much and all too quick.

If J had been cross dressing for years this would be so much of a smaller step, we would have got most of the shock element over with a long time ago. In fact several times over the years i’ve asked if he does, or has, or wants to…and the answer has always been no.

Yes i’d probably been a bit insensitive about a big bloke in a frock…. but the ins and outs are academic….he wasn’t dressing.

He is now.

Watching him wander round the house in a long denim skirt is actually fine, its a first step and its fine… i can’t work out why i suddenly feel so overloaded.

I guess sometimes i just will.

 

2 Responses to “overload”

  1. Wonderer Says:

    Hey – you’re doing fantastically well. Dont be too hard on yourself.

    With very best wishes to you both; to all five in fact.

    x

  2. Dennis Says:

    You’ve been doing brilliantly with such big changes underfoot. Some days it will feel heavy some days it will feel fun – same as for jane. Also it’s very intense at the moment – such a lot is happening so quickly because you were kept in the dark for awhile, I would think it’s fairly normal for you to be reeling sometimes and feel heavy from this. I am not understanding why jane is not talking to headteacher herself?

    I have been having (further) wobbles this week about gender and it’s basically the only thing I have been able to talk about this week so i have a feeling P can empathise. I can’t get by brain out of my own navel. But these phases come in fits and starts and life chills a bit inbetween.

    Hugs xx Dennis


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